Domestic Violence in the US

In homes across America women (and sometimes men) suffer at the hands of those they love. Many victims of domestic abuse stay silent out of fear or a belief that “he didn’t mean it” or “he will change”. At the root, domestic violence shouldn’t happen to anyone, and people should not hurt the ones they love. Staying in a violent relationship damages the body and self-esteem of the victim and also distorts a child’s understanding of relationships.

About 1 out of 3 women will experience physical or sexual abuse at some point in her life. Abusers use physical and emotional methods to gain and maintain control over their victims. Victims can be anyone, wives or husbands, wealthy or not. Violence spans all classes and colors of people but it more prevalent in households with lower incomes. Teenage or elderly couples are not immune from abuse either, it can occur as violent physical acts or cruel emotional torment.

The abusers are just as diverse. They can be drug addicts, jealous spouses, and people with low self-esteem. While anyone can be an abuser there are certain signs that most will exhibit. These type of people have short fuses, have a sense of entitlement and see a partner as belonging to them. Most abusers know that their behavior is wrong and try to hide it away from the public eye, this is why it is very important to trust a friend or family member when they come forward and tell you about abuse rather than brushing them off because you can see it for yourself. They can react violently and hurt the victim physically or forcing them into sexual contact, emotional abusers restrict the victim’s lifestyle and contact with friends and family through threats, manipulation and demeaning them emotionally.
Some abusers manipulate children or withhold money a strategy of control, this can leave a victim feeling helpless and dependent on the abuser. The common thread is that abusers mean to break the victim down, to make them feel worthless and keep them under their control. Victims of abuse know that something is wrong, often they feel stuck in the bad situation because of a dependency on the abuser, family pressure, not wanting to come forward with an accusation for fear of retaliation or discrimination or a desire to “stay together for the kids”.

With the support of their family, victims and their children can leave abusive relationships to lead lives that are much more secure. Staying in an abusive relationship can have different affects on children. They may grow up thinking that abuse is acceptable, or grow to resent the parents both for the abuse and for the exposure to it.

There are many organizations that offer help in the form of safe shelters, counseling, legal advice and emotional support. There are national and local organizations of all types that are ready and willing to offer an ear and help. Once a victim decides to leave they need the protection and support of the law, friends, and family. A victim should make a plan of escape, protecting themselves and their children. Police officers are willing to accompany victims in moving out to provide protection if the abuser tries to prevent them from leaving.

Once out of the bad situation the victim must not fall back into the relationship, unless strong therapy and change has occurred. During this time the abused will need emotional support and reassurance. They may find their whole life uprooted, looking for a new job, a new place to live, all why trying to avoid contact with the abuser. It is a long road to rebuild self-esteem and confidence after abuse, and there may be emotional scars that will never heal. Victims need remember than no matter how hard they think it is to leave, anything is better than ending up dead.